Woman finds out she can’t have sex after waiting until wedding to lose virginity
A woman who waited until her wedding night to lose her virginity has opened up about a rare condition which makes it difficult to have sex.
Stephanie Muller, 23, met her now husband Andrew, 31, at their local church and knew from that moment that he was the one.
The social worker, from New York, US, had already made the decision to save herself until marriage and so the couple held off until their special day.
She planned to pop her cherry on their honeymoon in 2017 – but that’s when Stephanie realised something wasn’t right.
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Speaking about her rare condition, she said: “Early on during our honeymoon, we were having difficulty with penetration but I figured it would just take time to get more comfortable.
“But then I got a yeast infection and was very uncomfortable. I had never had one before and it ended up lasting almost three months because the different medications I was put on weren’t working.”
Stephanie thought that when she recovered from the infection that she would be able to have sex, but sadly, that wasn’t the case.
For years she felt ashamed that she was unable to have sex with Andrew and the lack of intimacy made her feel like she was “living with a roommate”.
Then in January 2018, she finally plucked the courage to see a gynaecologist who diagnosed her with vaginismus, a rare condition where the muscles in the vagina become tight.
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She was referred to the Women’s Therapy Centre where she was prescribed Vicodin, a medicine used to relieve moderate to severe pain.
Stephanie said: “It felt like a pretty insensitive suggestion to just throw it out there, and I just remember crying the entire rest of the day.
"My husband and I have talked about how vaginismus really de-sexualised our relationship; it was almost like living with a roommate.
“We would even be careful about other physical things because neither of us wanted to suggest trying to have sex, be disappointed, and the night ending in tears.
“Around September 2018 we had a very honest conversation about the physical part of our relationship and how it was affecting us.
"We then made a decision to not give vaginismus so much power over us that we would hold us back from being playful, affectionate and physical.”
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Stephanie felt there had to be a way to overcome it, so after doing her research, she decided to go for the treatment her gynaecologist recommended.
The “hands on” guided penetration training used a “spacer” which meant she was able to have sex pain-free for the first time.
Despite feeling “broken” about the condition, Stephanie praised her husband for being supportive throughout her journey.
She continued: “Anytime that I would say negative things about myself, he would always reassure me that none of those things were true and that he loved me.
“He would constantly remind me that he wasn’t going anywhere, even if the vaginismus was never healed. He also drove me and was there with me for every appointment, even though he didn’t have to."
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